Britain’s footpads have en mass called for extra Income Support from the DWP blaming the credit crunch as the reason for their hardships.“With people having less money in their trackies (clothing item similar to track suit bottoms worn by sports-people), we is (are) earning nothing like (the amount) what (that) we used to” said spokesperson Tyler ‘Mac’ D Snuggie Danger (Sebastian Wilkins). “To get the same amount of dosh we (have) got to do (mug) more public (members of the) which in macro economic (Bacardi Breezer money) terms means we is (are) on less per man hour than in oh six (2008)”.
The Benefits Agency has responded to Government calls for parity in defining footpads as being ‘in ‘trick’ poverty’ and victims of the credit crunch through no fault of their own and have backed proposals to guarantee the Suspended Sentence if caught in the act of work (mugging someone) (unless death of victim follows within one year and a day) and agreed to the idea of raising Income Support by 40% for all footpads, highwaypersons and dealers claiming Unemployment Benefit.
“A lot of these poor people, a few of whom were born in this country have no choice but to subsidise their meagre incomes by dealing in skunk, brown and crystal meth and no-one should be forced by society to do that” commented Mrs Sky Igancious-Kosslerovich of the criminal rights and protection group ‘Criminals are the Real Victims’.
“We live in a caring country and PARs (Personal Asset Relievers (muggers)) have the same rights and access to British benefits as anyone else”.
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