AVIATOR LANDED IN SHINFIELD (POSSIBLY)

The Shinfield Tribune can reveal that a rambler walking his dog on Brookers Hill two weeks ago last Wednesday discovered fourteen million Dollars, five billion Krona, eleven million Euros, seven Irish Punt, an empty corned beef tin, a map of the Sahara desert, a Virgin Atlantic First Class ticket to London, a Volvic bottle full of urine, a pair of Rayban Aviators, an empty jerry can, a deployed parachute and a badly damaged Mastercard in the name of ??e?e ?o?set? (allegedly).

Staff at the Black Boy Public House confirmed that a bearded man did enter the establishment on the Tuesday night, ordered a warm beer and then disappeared into the Gents for the next twenty minutes.

The man who called himself ‘Steve’ ordered a further pint, six tuna fish sandwiches and nine bags of pork scratchings before leaving via the back door with the words “I gotta fly!”

Thames Valley Police despatched two officers to the scene last Friday but only found a corned beef tin and a Volvic bottle at the site which had been half drunk, seemingly with a can of Red Bull.