LENNY HENRY ELECTED PRESIDENT

The Shinfield Tribune is delighted to announce that the genius comedian and writer Lenny Henry has been duly elected President of the UPSR.

President Len was the clear winner of the recent ballot held at the Bell & Bottle to elect someone who has experience in public speaking, is a known television celebrity and lives in Shinfield.

The Committee was especially persuaded by the size of Lenny and Dawn’s Dacha – ideal for the proposed oil production platforms drilling for South Shinfield Crude and gas which will eventually enable the UPSR to be self sufficient from mainland UK.

A source commented that a friend of a friend of someone who knows Dawn French was heard saying that the couple were ‘not very keen’ on the idea of the UPSR Cavalry being based at their house although the promise of unlimited amounts of manure seemed to warm them to the concept of billeting six hundred horses and five hundred and seven smaller than average soldiers in their grounds.

News earlier in the week that UPSR Armed Forces were amassing on the Devon border in response to allegations that President Len had been abducted at night and flown there by the DIA have no factual grounds however UPSRAF Air Marshall Anthony Pollock confirmed that one of our ‘Crunchie Wing Walking Fighter Bombers’ (donated by Cadbury’s Chocolate – a glass and a half in each bar) did ‘do a reccie’.